I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
