It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
