I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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