You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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