Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
