the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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