Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
