my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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