Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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