they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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