Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Randomize
