My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
