Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
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