Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
