I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
