someone get that fucking seahorse.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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