I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
