i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
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