I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
