suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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