Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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