So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
