do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
