shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
