TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
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