Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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