that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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