I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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