My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
