Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
