apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
