I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
