i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
