Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
