it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
