I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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