Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
