i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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