I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
