Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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