Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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