She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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