I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
