? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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