I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
