and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
