I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
