Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
