i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
