I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
