there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
