So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
