that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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