Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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