It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
