i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
