Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
